Here is my response to the “Your Turn Synchroblog.” Scroll to the end of the post for a list of links to all of the participants. It not too late to jump in. Please let me know if I missed your post.

How am I doing?

I am on an upswing. I have spent a good chunk of my life pastoring churches that offered severe leadership limitations and I have spent the last six years trying to figure out, through trial and error, what I should be doing in this next chapter of life. By the way, I am finding this experience is more common than you might think. Now, it seems like I am entering a season of freedom. I am finding an identity and purpose that is not tied to the institutional church. That is something that I could not have even conceived of a short time ago, but now that it is finally upon me, it is a like a breath of fresh air.

Off and on through the last six years, I have vacillated back and forth through a wide range of emotional responses and I have had several different ideas about what to pursue. As hurt people do, I became more suspicious of people, more withdrawn, and probably a little more self righteous, but I never quit dreaming.

You can understand why I am excited about leaving that chapter of life and moving on. The upswing that I am experiencing is the result of finding a new sense of identity that is true to who I am and what God is doing.

What am I doing?

Today, I will hear about a job that I interviewed for last Thursday. It offers a very attractive blend of customer service and technology in a small, progressive company. It would alleviate some financial pressure, provide me with a fresh challenge, and put me into a new circle of relationships. Also, it would alleviate the need for financial sustainability in a volunteer ministry venture that I have been developing.

There is a good chance that we will connect up with our friends at The Fringe that would give us a nice outlet for friendships and service. Communitas Collective, the ministry that I have alluded to several times, will hopefully launch in about a month. I am looking forward to being involved in this new venture that will be a creative catalyst for encouragement, resourcing, and collaboration, providing community and opportunity for people to join the kingdom of God in a way the is right for them.

I look forward to a growing involvement and support of the good work of Lesindeng Soup Kitchen in South Africa and coordinating a southeastern Wisconsin Emergent cohort, beginning later this month. I will continue to blog as I have time and I am the September editor of the Porpoise Diving Life webzine. When you through in the kind of projects that a home owner gets has to do from time to time, a few recreational pursuits, and a few visits with family in Minnesota and Missouri, my life is definitely filling up.

What Am I learning?

God leaves a lot up to us. Through my transition time, nothing overtly miraculous happened. I have had to pray, soul search, and struggle with who and I really am, what God has been up too, and what I should pursue. It was a hard, but immensely useful process. So often, we float through life fulfilling expectations or doing something because it’s there or because we can. This experience has caused me to get down to the core of my identity. The results have surprised some people and even myself.

A little desperation is not a bad thing. Desperation started the whole re-evaluation process and a lot of good has come out of it, but mostly desperation brings us to God with nothing in our hands and nothing on our agenda. It’s called trust.

Watch for the beauty, the compassion, the humor, the joy, the peace, the wonder, the blessed moments that today has to offer. God is in everyday. You don’t want to miss him.

What looks like the end, may be a new beginning. Perhaps, we would never come to the new beginning, if the old way of life didn’t falter.

What am I dreaming?

I have great hopes for the job prospect and for Communitas. I look forward to having more of a sense of fulfillment as life gets more relational and purposeful and I look forward to helping people who have been through some of the stuff I have been through. Yet, right now I am just enjoying the moment, the freedom, and the sense of moving on.

List of participants:

7catz: May Synchroblog

Alan: You Are Here

Aaron: Life After The Gravitron

Barb: One Year Check Up

Erin: My Turn

Gary: Synchroblg Subject: How Am I Doing?

Glenn: Feeling Free

Happy: Better Late Than Never

Heidi: May Synchroblog

Jeff : Mile Marker Reflections

Jeromy: Our Story- Chapter 10

Kathy: It Stinks Down Here, But I Really Love The Smell

Lyn: Your Turn

Mike: Lost Or Found (Depends On Your View)

Rachel: Sychroblog…

Sam: Synchroblog Monday

Sarah: Glenn’s May Synchroblg

Tera: May Synchroblog